Today was just like any other day before. Classes, awkward nanaman. Ewan ko ba, I feel like we have something special between us but there's also something.. missing, o kaya pwede mong sabihing we have our reservations. I think the reservation's mostly on her side - hindi ko naman tinatago sa kanya na may nararamdaman ako para sa kanya, albeit not saying it directly (just yet). Hindi ko alam kung ayaw niya lang ba talaga akong kausapin sa harap ng madaming tao dahil iniisip niya ang sasabihin nila, o ewan. Alam ko hindi siya ganun, but I can't shake off the perception.
I'm initiating, pero madalas pakiramdam ko na-o-obligate lang siyang kausapin ako. Na parang hindi siya interesado, na parang nagmumukhang ipinupush ko kahit ayaw niya. Siguro ako lang nag-iisip nito, ewan, di ko alam.
Sobrang close namin. Pero parang hanggang messages lang. Text messages. Ayoko ng ganun. Mas okay kung personal. But I don't know if she wants that. I'm not sure and I can't tell.
I feel the need to tell her how I really feel as soon as possible. Sa trip to Calaruega next week. Ayoko din naman kasi na ang ganun ka-special na revelation ay mangyari out of nowhere sa school na naka-uniform kami. O kaya sa text. O kaya sa isang lugar na hindi memorable. Minsan lang ako magsasabi sa kanya for the first time (actually, isang beses lang mangyayari ang first time) na mahal ko siya, why settle for a mediocre setting? Pero baka sa pagiging ganito ko, mainip siya/hindi na niya i-take seriously. For the nth time, ewan ko ba.
Ayun. Nagpaiwan sila dahil may battle of the bands sa university. I went somewhere with my other classmates, friends, for academic reasons. Hindi ako nakapagpaalam sa kanya, for the said reasons above, hindi ko alam kung ipupush ko nanaman ba kahit ayaw niya o hindi. After the trip, I went back to the university to perhaps attend the battle and catch a glimpse of her. What the heck did I just do - I took a roundtrip, spent gasoline and time, just to see her. Pero dahil hindi ko nga sure, umalis din ako agad pagkadating ko dun at hindi ko na siya hinanap.
Ngayon eto. Pagkauwi ko, nakita kong nagmessage siya sakin sa twitter, hours ago, asking me to take care on my then-trip. It took some load off me, pero balik nanaman kami sa message-correspondence. Messages, messages. Sana personal naman..
I'm planning to call her later, and tell her I'm calling just to hear her voice. I'm sure she'll be weirded out, pero kailangan ko lang talaga siyang marinig.
12:29 past midnight.
I think all is well, at least that's what I see. Tinawagan ko siya and she seemed happy and okay about it. Call log: 18 seconds. Maikling panahon lang pero personal parin. Her voice sounds so tender to my ears. Funny how she can change me in an instant.
Okay na 'to. Ito gusto kong maalala pag binasa ko 'to ulit. Babay. :)
I'm initiating, pero madalas pakiramdam ko na-o-obligate lang siyang kausapin ako. Na parang hindi siya interesado, na parang nagmumukhang ipinupush ko kahit ayaw niya. Siguro ako lang nag-iisip nito, ewan, di ko alam.
Sobrang close namin. Pero parang hanggang messages lang. Text messages. Ayoko ng ganun. Mas okay kung personal. But I don't know if she wants that. I'm not sure and I can't tell.
I feel the need to tell her how I really feel as soon as possible. Sa trip to Calaruega next week. Ayoko din naman kasi na ang ganun ka-special na revelation ay mangyari out of nowhere sa school na naka-uniform kami. O kaya sa text. O kaya sa isang lugar na hindi memorable. Minsan lang ako magsasabi sa kanya for the first time (actually, isang beses lang mangyayari ang first time) na mahal ko siya, why settle for a mediocre setting? Pero baka sa pagiging ganito ko, mainip siya/hindi na niya i-take seriously. For the nth time, ewan ko ba.
Ayun. Nagpaiwan sila dahil may battle of the bands sa university. I went somewhere with my other classmates, friends, for academic reasons. Hindi ako nakapagpaalam sa kanya, for the said reasons above, hindi ko alam kung ipupush ko nanaman ba kahit ayaw niya o hindi. After the trip, I went back to the university to perhaps attend the battle and catch a glimpse of her. What the heck did I just do - I took a roundtrip, spent gasoline and time, just to see her. Pero dahil hindi ko nga sure, umalis din ako agad pagkadating ko dun at hindi ko na siya hinanap.
Ngayon eto. Pagkauwi ko, nakita kong nagmessage siya sakin sa twitter, hours ago, asking me to take care on my then-trip. It took some load off me, pero balik nanaman kami sa message-correspondence. Messages, messages. Sana personal naman..
I'm planning to call her later, and tell her I'm calling just to hear her voice. I'm sure she'll be weirded out, pero kailangan ko lang talaga siyang marinig.
12:29 past midnight.
I think all is well, at least that's what I see. Tinawagan ko siya and she seemed happy and okay about it. Call log: 18 seconds. Maikling panahon lang pero personal parin. Her voice sounds so tender to my ears. Funny how she can change me in an instant.
Okay na 'to. Ito gusto kong maalala pag binasa ko 'to ulit. Babay. :)
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