I was with her for two nights. Nag-overnight kasi ang group namin for some work. At sumama siya for no special reason.
Masaya yung dalawang gabi na yun. Kasama namin ang iba pang kaibigan. Halos nagtawanan at nag-music trip lang kami most of the time. Nagkaroon din naman ng progress ang ginagawa namin pero karamihan sa oras e naubos sa mga walang-kwenta pero nakakatuwang gawain.
I cannot write every little detail that happened, kasi ang daming panahon na sobrang saya ko lang na nandun siya malapit sakin. And it happened a lot, madaming beses na palagi kaming magkasama. But I can remember two particular moments, na siguro hindi ko makakalimutan for a long time.
Una, e yung first night. She slept near me. Bago kami matulog, nandun siya sa may ibaba ng kama kung saan ako nakahiga. We shared earphones, nakinig kami ng music bago matulog. Ganun kami for a while. Tapos, hinayaan ko siyang antukin, and, eventually, fall asleep. She didn't know about this part, pero ang tagal kong gising pagkatapos niyang makatulog. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. And then I realized how much I love her, realized much more than all those realizations and admittance that I had before. I could stare at her all night, all day, and never get tired of it. Naramdaman ko na hindi ko talaga niloloko ang sarili ko, mahal ko talaga siya. At gagawin ko lahat para lang lagi siyang maging peaceful katulad ng itsura niya noong natutulog siya. Drowning in my thoughts, I too fell asleep afterwards.
Ang pangalawa e nung second night. She wasn't with us for most of the evening: she went out to a friend's party, where they had free-flowing drinks for the rest of the occasion. Mga 2pm, nagpasundo siya sakin. Edi ako naman si sundo. Masakit ang ulo niya at medyo hilo na siya.
Pagdating sa bahay, umakyat ako sa second floor. Nag-sober up muna siya ng kaunti sa baba. Tapos umakyat din siya. At umupo sa tabi ko.
Pwede kong sabihin na mostly it was because of the alcohol. Siguro nga. Pero kung ikaw yung nandun sa position ko nung mga panahong yun, hindi mo din siya maiisip. I can't remember any instance where we were that intimate to each other. Wala namang special na nangyari, pero magkatabi kami noon, and I was touching her head tenderly. Arranging and playing with her hair. Feeling her face. And she had this look that told me that it's all right. Na hindi ako isang stranger para sa kanya. Na okay lang para sa kanya na maging malapit ako. We talked about trivial and apparent things, hindi ko na maalala kung anong mga napag-usapan namin, because at that moment nothing else mattered except that she was with me and we were comfortable with the nearness.
Sana hindi yun effect lang ng alcohol. Well, I guess I'll never really know.
***
PS. The day before those nights, we talked at school. Isang oras, dun ulit sa boring na subject, magkatabi kami. We talked about each other. Kung gaano ko siya kakilala, at ang mga alam niya tungkol sa akin. I was surprised on how much she remembered. Hindi pala siya madaling makalimot sa mga sinasabi ko sa kanya. Magical hour. Ang saya lang talaga noon. Maybe I'd keep replaying that moment in my head at times na wala na talaga akong maisip na masayang memory.
Masaya yung dalawang gabi na yun. Kasama namin ang iba pang kaibigan. Halos nagtawanan at nag-music trip lang kami most of the time. Nagkaroon din naman ng progress ang ginagawa namin pero karamihan sa oras e naubos sa mga walang-kwenta pero nakakatuwang gawain.
I cannot write every little detail that happened, kasi ang daming panahon na sobrang saya ko lang na nandun siya malapit sakin. And it happened a lot, madaming beses na palagi kaming magkasama. But I can remember two particular moments, na siguro hindi ko makakalimutan for a long time.
Una, e yung first night. She slept near me. Bago kami matulog, nandun siya sa may ibaba ng kama kung saan ako nakahiga. We shared earphones, nakinig kami ng music bago matulog. Ganun kami for a while. Tapos, hinayaan ko siyang antukin, and, eventually, fall asleep. She didn't know about this part, pero ang tagal kong gising pagkatapos niyang makatulog. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya. And then I realized how much I love her, realized much more than all those realizations and admittance that I had before. I could stare at her all night, all day, and never get tired of it. Naramdaman ko na hindi ko talaga niloloko ang sarili ko, mahal ko talaga siya. At gagawin ko lahat para lang lagi siyang maging peaceful katulad ng itsura niya noong natutulog siya. Drowning in my thoughts, I too fell asleep afterwards.
Ang pangalawa e nung second night. She wasn't with us for most of the evening: she went out to a friend's party, where they had free-flowing drinks for the rest of the occasion. Mga 2pm, nagpasundo siya sakin. Edi ako naman si sundo. Masakit ang ulo niya at medyo hilo na siya.
Pagdating sa bahay, umakyat ako sa second floor. Nag-sober up muna siya ng kaunti sa baba. Tapos umakyat din siya. At umupo sa tabi ko.
Pwede kong sabihin na mostly it was because of the alcohol. Siguro nga. Pero kung ikaw yung nandun sa position ko nung mga panahong yun, hindi mo din siya maiisip. I can't remember any instance where we were that intimate to each other. Wala namang special na nangyari, pero magkatabi kami noon, and I was touching her head tenderly. Arranging and playing with her hair. Feeling her face. And she had this look that told me that it's all right. Na hindi ako isang stranger para sa kanya. Na okay lang para sa kanya na maging malapit ako. We talked about trivial and apparent things, hindi ko na maalala kung anong mga napag-usapan namin, because at that moment nothing else mattered except that she was with me and we were comfortable with the nearness.
Sana hindi yun effect lang ng alcohol. Well, I guess I'll never really know.
***
PS. The day before those nights, we talked at school. Isang oras, dun ulit sa boring na subject, magkatabi kami. We talked about each other. Kung gaano ko siya kakilala, at ang mga alam niya tungkol sa akin. I was surprised on how much she remembered. Hindi pala siya madaling makalimot sa mga sinasabi ko sa kanya. Magical hour. Ang saya lang talaga noon. Maybe I'd keep replaying that moment in my head at times na wala na talaga akong maisip na masayang memory.
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